why i am [continuously] coming out of the closet

i just tuned my guitar.  all by myself.  AND IT WORKED.  oh. fuck. yes.

in other news, my wife and i had sex once, and it was AWESOME.  i thought things were better, but we haven’t fucked since.  most of that is because i have been sick as fuck [as in, mucus spewing from my nose with no warning, hacking up a lung coughing, and feeling like my head is partially detached from my entire body slash my head IS my entire body]..not conducive to sexytime.  i’ll keep you posted; i am still congested, but hornyasfuck and nottoosicktofuck, which i have made #veryclear to my wife.

did i just use a hashtag in a blog?  #fuckthatshit

i was going to write about how i actually just wrote a song about molestation and bullshit, buuuuut i decided that is a bit too depressing for the vibe i’m feeling.  yes, i DID in fact just write a song about molestation and bullshit, but i don’t remember most of the lyrics because i didn’t write them down.  also, i will play it in a bar or open mic or somebody’s-house-if-there-are-a-lot-of-people-and-i-can-blend-in or something, one day, if anybody actually wants to hear it.  maybe this is just my 14 year-old closeted lesbian self coming out.

speaking of coming out…..

I want to talk about how important it is to come out.  i, for many years, did not realize the value of “coming out” personally–although i was selfishly reaping the benefits of many others who came out!  it wasn’t until later that i realized how much others’ coming out meant to me/ impacted me/ helped me.

i don’t want to be uber-dramatic, because in a lot of cities, in a lot of countries, being gay is NO BIG FUCKIN’ DEAL anymore.  and i love that.  and i applaud that.  but guess what?  in A LOT OF CITIES, IN A LOT OF COUNTRIES, it IS a big fuckin’ deal.  and it shouldn’t be.  but so is being black, in a small town in mississippi.  decades and decades after the civil rights movement.  so it is something that obviously still needs to be discussed.  i will never claim to be the smartest person- or even a “smart” person at all- BUT i will always insist that being equal is a BASIC HUMAN RIGHT.  regardless of anything that our ancestors came up with in the past to make others the “outsiders”; regardless of anything that our peers come up with today to make us feel “dirty” or “immoral” or “weird”; regardless of anything that any future generation will make up to cause our offspring’s offspring to feel like they don’t belong.

some of the reasons that i have come out of the closet [and keep coming out]:

1.  because the girl who sits next to my in my honors leadership class [who is educated, cultured, intelligent] stopped talking to me once i mentioned my wife.

2.  because one of my wife’s friends actually asked me if i “ever wear skirts”

3.  because if people before me hadn’t come out, i would have taken probably 10 more years to even acknowledge my attraction to womyn

4.  because my mom wasn’t able to even say the word “lesbian” until about a year ago [several years after i came out to her.]

5.  because people still say “that’s gay” and don’t realize how insulting it is [a classmate said this the other day, to me, not knowing]

6.  because gay is NOT synonymous with “stupid”

7.  because people think the song “same love” is ‘overplayed’, when it is the ONLY song on mainstream radio that has ever acknowledged homosexuality as “acceptable”, “normal”, and “equal”

8.  because my coworker [an intelligent, educated person] was genuinely surprised at the fact that my wife and i have a male dog..because apparently, he thought that all lesbians hate men so much so that they can’t even have a male dog.

9.  because i haven’t even gotten over #8

10.  because i have had men come onto me, after knowing that i’m gay, because i “just haven’t been fucked by the right dude”

11.  because i am married to a womyn and HAPPY

12.  because some people [male, female, doesn’t matter] don’t know what a clitoris is

13.  because none of my family could come to my wedding, because i had a legal wedding, because it isn’t legal in my homestate and my wife and i had to go across the country for it to be even partially acknowledged

alright, i have gone off on my tangent, and honestly, i could go on for another hour or two about this.  but you get the picture, hopefully.  i wish it was cliché to talk about–i actually thought it WAS, for a while– but i have learned that we have a long way to go.

today is friday.  i am going to play geezer shuffleboard with my wife, because we are awesome and st. pete is awesome.  we will have bangin’ sex later, if it kills me. 

semper ubi sub ubi.


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