florida mornings and musings

summer mornings in a florida backyard

summer mornings in a florida backyard

as my wife likes to say, “the days are long, but the years are short”.  i couldn’t agree more.  so much of our lives are spent wishing away several hours of the day that we “have to” spend at work, in class, in traffic, rushing around.  my summer break is more than halfway over, and i feel like i am clinging to it like sand; the harder i try to grasp it, the more space it creates in my tightly clenched fists.  i am trying to learn to let go of my grip, let go of my fears and doubts and insecurities.  i am trying to hold onto things without gripping them so tightly, with open hands and admiration.

when i let go of my fear, and ask myself what i want–the answers are clear.  i want to write, i want to create, i want to make things with my hands.  i want to tour the country with my wife and meet other readers and other writers; i’d love to sign a book or two, to read a passage aloud to a small but passionate group of individuals in a library or bookstore or coffee shop or open mic.  i want to feel good about myself.  i want to be healthy, mentally and physically and emotionally.  i want to train.  i want to complete more half marathons, i want to complete a full marathon, i want to complete triathlons, and one day i want to complete an ironman.  even if i have to walk them all–i won’t give up on the dreams of doing them, just because my injuries prevent me from running.  i want to teach and i want to help people believe in themselves.  i want to help people feel comfortable and confident, because i know what a battle it can be to hate yourself or just not love yourself enough.  i know fear can get in the way of everything–everything–and i want to help people reach beyond that fear and grab life by the balls or horns or something less violent but still very passionate.

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