i haven’t been able to write, really write, since i showed my wife an essay i was working on for my someday-book. i don’t know why i am so embarrassed and insecure about my writing–i think it is just because i am embarrassed/shy/insecure about most things, and about myself in general.
i know that i have to write; i have always just had to for some reason..there is a need in me that has always been there. it is the one thing that i have always just done, without really thinking about it, and i have always enjoyed it. i have never given up on it, [though at times i do go through periods of uninspired pauses], and if i was forced to somehow, i know i would be miserable.
writing is my therapy, it is who i am, it is what’s inside of me. i have always felt sheepish telling people that i mostly journal; i always try to make sure i also tell them that i write poetry and song lyrics and the occasional local website article sometimes as well. it wasn’t until i read augusten burroughs that i realized what my real writing style is–that i even realized it was a style at all!
the personal essay, and a collection of personal essays, is what i am going for. i recently looked back at an old entry that i wrote over two years ago, and i was writing about how i need to move forward with my writing and stop being so scared to let people see it, stop being so scared to really PURSUE it and work on something i want to publish. well, that was TWO YEARS AGO..and though i have made slow progress, i still have only really showed one person a non-academic piece of my writing! that is just crazy!
next year i will be turning thirty, and though that is very young, i honestly know in my heart that i cannot keep being so afraid, or else another decade will go by and i will be writing like a fiend but not showing anyone anything. journaling is great but i also need to dedicate time to the pieces i want to publish.
this has been a wonderful year, full of experiences that terrified me, experiences that i jumped into and did anyway. so i am going to continue down that path, and continue to make progress with myself.