the grind

i am sitting at a small booth in the corner of the campus coffee shop, eating the most delicious homemade black bean burger i have ever had in my life! 

i can’t believe i’m really here. here at this university, here on this campus, here in this café. i am here and i am a part of this. 

it took me more than ten years to get my AA degree, but i finally did it. i have been through so much in the past dozen years, so much that i don’t even like to look back on because the pain still feels so fresh. i have hurt myself, i have hurt others, i have carved crevices so deep and dark that there are still times that i look down, surprised that they are not still bleeding. 

i am healing and maybe always will be in some way. but i have already healed so much and grown so much; i have surprised myself by pushing through so many of my fears to get to goals, and i am still scared but i will still keep pushing onward. 

i overheard a visiting faculty member from a nearby school accidentally reunite with an old professor of hers; he was surprised to see her and she was apologizing for leaving his program, saying she had been going through a quarter-life crisis. they laughed and i joined them, smiling to myself at how we really CAN all transform, how we all are capable of finding ourselves, of pushing through our shit, of growing and learning and changing and actually reaching those goals that were once so terrifyingly impossible. 

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